what a year

Sometimes looking back can make us sad, when times are tough and we remember the good times it can make the hard times tougher to bare, or sometimes it can remind us that even though things are tough right now, they don't always stay that way.  I have often found the advice or sayings suggesting … Continue reading what a year

Leading Questions

Autism and expectations

This is something that has been bothering me lately, it has made me angry with myself for missed opportunities. It has meant that when I have reached out at times, I have fallen at the first hurdle. I’m talking about falling for Leading Questions.

They deserve to be capitalised. They are repulsive things, tricksy and bait-filled.

For you to understand why they are so dangerous to me, you have to understand how I interact with people. Conversations are all mine-fields. I am concentrating so hard on deciphering your meaning, working on appropriate responses, double-checking my physical reactions are correct, and all the while looking like I’m not doing any of those things.

The less I know you, the harder all those things are. Many medical professionals are people I have met only once, and who I meet in an environment that is already taxing me to my processing limits.


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Standing at the intersection of Asperger’s / autism and depression (?) [Mental Health Monday]

the silent wave

And I’m not sure which light is which. I can’t tell what’s green, what’s yellow, and what’s red. I can’t tell which way I should go, which street I should cross, which path I should take.

All I know is that there is walking to do and designated crosswalks to guide me, but I don’t feel like walking just now. And I’m not sure when I will again.

I’m not sure of anything. I’m not sure what I should be doing. I’m not sure what I’m interested in. I’m not sure how I feel. I’m not sure how to start feeling again.

I am sure that I don’t feel like doing much, even things that I used to love doing. I know that my curiosity, about anything and everything, has gone dormant. New ideas have slowed to a trickle and begun to stagnate. I don’t feel fresh or flowery. I’ve…

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still learning

I'm still learning not to fall apart myself when my son struggles, I find it hard not to feel responsible for being able to 'fix' how he is feeling and make everything seem okay.  It's hard knowing I have to get him to school when it's giving him huge anxiety, but also knowing that if … Continue reading still learning


Last week I forgot for a short time that my self-worth was not defined by someone else.  I forgot that the actions of one person does not mean I am worthless.  What it shows is simply who they are and served to remind me why we are no longer a 'we'.  Yet, for a few … Continue reading self-worth